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YUUU​Ü​UUUL

by Jose Bold

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1.
Eggnog 03:21
I approach you across the kitchen You live in my fridge You are so cool You, your elbows, legs, and brains are so milk and creamy I hold you up to the light of the moon but I can't see through you tonight Or in general I'm describing you as if you were a glass of eggnog But you're not You're my favorite glass of human I'm describing you as if you were a glass of eggnog But you're not Or if you are I want your gluten I sprinkle nutmeg upon you and me I can't seem to stop Now I'm out of nutmeg We laugh for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours Then I look in your eyes and there can be be no denying That I'm thirsty and I want you in my esophagus Where I feel we have a genuine connection I'm describing you as if you were a glass of eggnog But you're not You're my favorite glass of human I'm describing you as if you were a glass of eggnog But you're not Or if you are I want your gluten Milk, sugar, raw eggs and spices Add a little cream to make it nices Vanilla for the flavor, just add a few drops Whipped cream and cinnamon sitting on top Yes, there is fat and cholesterol But I love you and I need you and I want it all You can be a custard, you can be a pudding Just let me let me have a little lick of your sweet cooking I'm describing you as if you were a glass of eggnog But you're not You're my favorite glass of human I'm describing you as if you were a glass of eggnog But you're not Or if you are I want your gluten
2.
Put a bell on your sled Put a bell on your sled So that we know when you're coming So that we can arm the laser fence Put a bear on your head And give a beer to your bear And if it has a drinky winky Don't poke it, you'll be super dead We love to dance in freshly fallen snow without our clothes And fight each other in our homemade thunderdome Put some water in your face So your tongue does not disintegrate We're karaoke-ing tonight And you'll need it to enunciate We need your help We want to order pizza but can't seem to do it for ourselves Don't be scared us We're normal people we are normal people we are normal Normal normal normal normal help Put a bell on your sled And some soup in your trundle bed So that we know you are one of us One of us, ONE OF US, O-- Put a dream in your head Sugarplums and gingerbread And when you wake and see us staring at you Close your eyes and pretend we're not here And have a happy happy new year
3.
Black Friday 02:44
On black friday I'm alone in a crowd We've been in line for hours and hours Not making a sound Behind these doors Shiny new things packed from ceiling to floor Just waiting to be found by that special someone And taken home What am I doing here tired and cold The sky has opened and it's starting to pour What am I looking for The doors open Now we're pushing and shouting like a monster movie scene And I'm pushing too, what's come over me I just wanna get mine and be free There's a scraggly haired woman Reaching for the last LED flatscreen TV And I say to myself and I say to her loudly Over my dead body I come away with no TV or pride With my face all scratched up and a raging black eye I just wanna die But somehow it ends I got some stuff but I just don't care I wanted what I wanted but I didn't find peace Now I'm walking nowhere On black friday I've lost sight of the give and receive But even more than hoping to get what I want I just hope to find me
4.
Don 03:14
Don's here Yo Don's here I don't know what's gonna happen now Don's here He just walked in and the music stopped You coulda heard a pin drop Cuz he dropped a bunch of pins Don, what you doin here You just made it super weird With the beard and Santa suit you bought on Woot last year You got an empty cup holder And a stack of peechee folders And you're talkin to your shoulder About the Indiana Jones boulder Man I don't know your deal or what you think you're doin But this office party's now ruined What's been goin on with Don (now he's sittin on a pizza) And what's the deal in general with Don (while ordering a pizza) Is he always like this or is this just a thing he does Hello I just got off work, it had been a long day I hadn't intended to stay so long But I did Tally ho, on my way home Took the tram to Addington whilst looking at my phone When the power went out Not just the tramlink but everything Phones, watches, all devices I looked outside, I couldn't see any lightses This is very odd, I thought, what could it be And then our car was rumbling and everyone tried to flee A griffin-like creature I saw was attacking us Or if not a griffin it resembled a succubus Nevertheless we were cowering in fear And that's when the man named Don appeared Seated on a pizza, sailing through the air He struck the griffin-succubus whilst looking debonair Down went the creature, the horrible nasty creature Just like a scene in a monster double feature What a heroic deed, he saved us! We couldn't stop our tears of joy if you had paid us One funny thing about our champion was thus: He was dressed like Father Christmas Without a word, he flew up into the heavens And the man named Don became legend What's been goin on with Don (he saved us all) And what's the deal in general with Don (and the tram wasn't damaged) Is he always like this or is this just a thing he does
5.

about

sax on DON by Justin Redwine

cover by Zach Roy
www.zachroy.com

credits

released December 1, 2014

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all rights reserved

tags

about

Jose Bold Seattle, Washington

josebold.com

aka John Osebold

new album every December

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